How To Elope

An elopement is a small, intimate wedding day that places the focus back on you, the couple, as opposed to the event itself. It strips away the unimportant parts of a wedding day and allows you to completely design a day (or days!) around the two of you and what’s actually important to you. Traditionally, weddings generally follow a typical set structure. If you’re having a Western wedding, it might look something like this:

1) Getting Ready
2) First Look
3) Ceremony
4) Family/Wedding Party Photos
5) Romantic Portraits
6) First Dance
7) Reception
8) Cake cutting
9) Grand Exit

With elopements however, there is no set structure for how your day should go down. Don’t want to follow traditions that don’t mean anything to you? Don’t! Want to include certain traditions from a traditional wedding day? Go for it! Or come up with your own “traditions” — it’s really up to you! Because there is so much freedom and lack of structure involved, it can feel a little overwhelming when it comes to actually planning an elopement. If you need a step-by-step guide on how to actually elope, this is for you! Think of this entire process as an upside-down pyramid, starting with broad strokes and then slowly narrowing down your decision-making to the minute, finer details. (I provide much more concrete guidance with a comprehensive elopement planning guide for all my booked couples as well, so if you need further assistance, don’t hesitate to reach out!)

Step 1: Imagine & Dream

This might seem like a step that you might feel inclined to rush through or skip over, but trust me — this step is incredibly important (perhaps the most important) to the entire process of elopement planning and I encourage you to really take your time and imagine the possibilities. Make this a date night! Sit down with each other, and start brainstorming about how you want to get married:

Where do you see yourselves saying your vows? At the top of a mountain? On a cliff overlooking the ocean? By a waterfall? Inside a cute AirBnB? Under the tallest trees on Earth?

Who do you envision being there with you? Just yourselves? Your dog? Parents? Best friends? Siblings? Grandparents? You don’t have to get too specific with this just yet. Simply answer the question of whether you’d like a 2-person experience, or if you’d prefer celebrating with other people (or animals!) as well.

What sights and sounds and experiences do you want to have? Choices for activities are what’s so unique and special about elopements. If you like hiking, consider hiking to a breathtaking spot to exchange your vows. If you like being on the water, go kayaking, sailing, or taking a private boat charter! If you like food, maybe consider going restaurant-hopping? Or if you like wine, visit wine country and go wine-tasting! If you like traveling, think about where you’d like to go - any bucket-list international destinations?

Tip: Start with what you like, and go from there!

You might find yourself worrying about logistics during this step, and wondering how on earth your grandma is going to get to the top of the mountain where you really want to exchange your vows at. Fair question, but this step isn’t about worrying about logistics just yet! Don’t limit yourselves just yet by thinking of all the potential problems. Shove them aside for now, and just dream. This process might take a couple hours, or it might take days. The most important thing is to give yourselves time to really think through what YOU want and explore all the possibilities available to you.

Step 2: Make Big Picture Decisions

Once you have a sort of vision board for your elopement (whether it’s an actual physical vision board or not), it’s time to start making some big picture decisions.

Big Picture Decisions cover the Who, Where, When and What of your elopement. But before we get into this, I just want to give you a friendly nudge and reminder not to forget Why you’re eloping when you’re starting to make decisions. At the very heart of your decision-making process, prioritize your experience.

Who — Now it’s time to actually start creating a preliminary guest list, if you do want to have guests at your elopement. Think about who is most important to have present at your elopement (or if you just want a 2-person experience, then you can skip this part altogether!). Be intentional in making decisions that don’t create a “snowball effect”, where you’d have to invite Person B if you invite Person A, and consequently Persons C, D, and so on. Again, if something or someone doesn’t add to your experience of your day, you might want to reconsider their invite. This part of the process could be really easy for some, while very difficult for others. I understand how difficult this can be, since I personally fall into the latter camp. If you’re in the same boat, feel free to chat with me about it - sometimes having a third person as a sounding board can help!

Where — If you imagined yourselves getting married on dramatic cliffs overlooking the ocean (or any other type of scenery or setting for that matter), it’s time to start looking into actual locations! I help couples research and suggest location ideas as part of all of my elopement packages, and have curated a database of locations for different types of sceneries and backdrops, along with notes on the locations’ accessibility. If you need help with finding locations (especially in California or Southeast Asia), I gotchu! On top of the type of scenery you’re looking for, this is also the time to let me know what’s important to you in terms of accessibility and privacy. Keep in mind that breathtaking views, accessibility and privacy rarely go hand in hand. You may have to pick two out of the three, so consider what’s most important to you when selecting a location.

When — This of course is very closely related to where you want to elope in and what the weather is like at that location at different times of the year. Do you want a winter elopement with snow? Or a fall elopement with all the fall colors? Or do you like rain, and want to run around in the rain in your wedding attire? Keep in mind though that it’s impossible to forecast what the weather will actually be like on your elopement day; it could be a hundred degrees in November (hello, SoCal), or in the balmy 60’s. Being open and spontaneous is key to having an amazing time regardless of the weather!

What — Oooh the fun stuff! What do you envision yourselves doing on your elopement day? The tiny, intimate nature of elopements open up so many possibilities for how you can celebrate your day, giving you more time and space to enjoy an activity (or activities) with each other, whether it be an adventurous one where you climb a mountain together, or sit at home crocheting a blanket to signify the start of your new chapter in life. You don’t have to nail down a specific activity at this stage yet, but start thinking about how you’d like your day to feel — Exciting? Relaxing? Heart-pumping? Or a mixture of everything?

Once again, think BIG PICTURE. If you can’t quite nail down specifics yet, don’t sweat it! Your vision of your elopement day may still feel like a big blurry picture for now, and that’s okay! Details will come later in the next step as we start narrowing down decisions and bring the full detailed picture of your elopement to life.

PRO-TIP: If you ever feel stuck during any part of the process, go back to your Why. Why do you want to elope? Is it because you want to avoid family drama? Or because certain traditions don’t speak to you? Is it because you want to have a unique and authentic day for yourselves with your closest friends and family? Or because you want your wedding day to be an exciting experience? Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to make decisions that we forget why we’re even doing something in the first place, so answering your Why could help clarify what your decision should be.

Step 3: Details, details, details!

Yayyy! Now that we have a general idea of what your elopement is going to look like, let’s start filling in the puzzle! Hopefully this list will help you start putting together a budget for your elopement as well. Details generally include:

  • Travel

  • Lodging

  • Vendors

  • Activities

  • Attire

  • Reception

Travel — Whether you’re flying to a different state, leaving the country, or going somewhere close to home for your elopement, you’ll first need to situate your travel. Will you need to book flights or rent cars, or will you just be driving your own vehicle to your location? Do you want to elope on an off-shore island that you’ll need to take a ferry or boat to? It is best to book travel in advance as it usually means that prices are lower. According to data collected by the Airlines Reporting Corporation, fares tend to be cheaper about 50 days before the flight. (Of course, it depends on the season of your travel — if you’re eloping during a holiday season, don’t get your hopes up that travel costs will be low!) Another tip when it comes to booking cheap flights: fly out on the cheaper days of the week, i.e. Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. This (usually) applies to both domestic (US) flights and international flights!

Lodging — Where you stay and wake up the morning of your elopement will hugely impact your elopement experience. Do you want to camp for your elopement and wake up in a tent on a mountain top? Or do you want a more comfy and cozy experience waking up in a cute A-frame cabin nestled in a forest? What about a unique AirBnB perched on the top of a cliff with epic ocean views? Ask yourselves what sort of experience you want to have and narrow your search that way! It’s always best to book your lodging way in advance especially if you find a place that you like. If you’re planning to have your ceremony at the AirBnB itself, make sure to check in with the hosts to ask if that’s okay! Many AirBnB’s stipulate that no parties or events are allowed, but hosts may make exceptions especially when they understand that you’re just having a tiny and intimate get-together. Definitely do not try to do it without seeking permission first though!

Vendors — Oooh this is a huge one! Picking the right vendors for your elopement is so important to enhancing your elopement experience. Many elopement photographers (like myself) double up as planners or consultants who can help with locations and other advice. Your photographer will be with you from beginning to end, and at the end of the day, your photos are what’s going to be left of your wedding day. It’s therefore incredibly important to choose a photographer that you connect and feel comfortable with as this could make or break your experience of your day.

Depending on where you get married, you may or may not need an officiant for your elopement. Many states require one, so be sure to do your research! You might choose someone who does this professionally (it makes a huge difference when you do have someone who knows what they’re doing), or you might have your friend/family member get ordained online to be your officiant to help add a personal touch.

Also, just because you’re eloping doesn’t mean you need to skip out on having a bouquet or boutonnieres (if you want one!). It’s especially important to ask your florist if they have experiences with designing bouquets for elopements, especially if you’re doing a hiking or adventure elopement where you’ll need the flowers to travel well (and also picking out flowers/plants that are native to your location so that you don’t accidentally introduce a new species to the ecosystem)!

If you’re planning something with guests and/or require setting up or decorating a ceremony or reception space, you might want to consider hiring an elopement planner or coordinator. They could also help with booking vendors, lodging, catering etc, so if you need assistance with those, definitely reach out to one!

Other key vendors you might consider hiring are: Hair & Makeup Artist, Videographer, Caterer/Private Chefs, or Baker (for your wedding cake or desserts).

Unique vendors you might consider hiring (depending on your choice of activities): Private Chauffeur, Professional 4x4 Driver, Tattoo Artist, Live Musician/Band, Private Plane/Helicopter Pilot

Activities — The most fun part of elopements (in my opinion)!!! Because of the intimate nature of your day, there is a plethora of things you can do that will make your day extra special and memorable. Rather than playing host to a hundred guests, now you get to entertain yourselves and make the day your own! Check out this list for ideas on what you can do, or brainstorm your own! It’s always important to go back to the core of who the both of you are when picking out activities for your elopement — are you the types of people who like stepping out of your comfort zone? What sort of activities do you love doing or experiencing together? Is is an activity that you already frequently do, or do you want to try something new?

From running around on a beach to taking a private helicopter to the top of a mountain, the sky is (literally) the limit. Depending on what activities you want to fill your day with, you might need to book them in advance, so definitely take this into account if you’re planning something that requires advance booking!

Attire — My one big piece of advice when it comes to picking out your elopement day attire is put comfort first. You’re likely going to spend a lot of time in your wedding attire, and being comfortable with what you’re wearing will go a long way in helping you have an overall pleasant experience. Think about the activities that will be involved in your day and pick out your attire with that in mind. If you’re hiking, you might want to hike in regular hiking attire, then change into your wedding attire when you reach your destination. Or if you want to hike in your wedding attire, consider whether what you’re wearing is easy to hike/move around in. If you’re doing something close to water with a chance of getting wet, consider if you’d be okay with your attire getting dirty or wet too. It also goes without saying that it’s important to dress for the weather too! Will it be hot and humid, or cold and windy? Would you need to wear something more lightweight to avoid sweating too much, or more layers if it’s going to be cold?

Finally, if you’re having an adventure elopement (such as hiking to your ceremony spot), you might need to purchase the necessary adventure gear as well. This is SO important to ensuring that you have a safe and fun experience too!

Reception — Don’t forget to eat! And celebrate over a meal! Whether it’s just the two of you or if it’s with a small group of close family and friends, sharing a meal together is a great way to end the day. There are many ways to break bread together, whether it’s enjoying a picnic on the beach (or someplace scenic), having a more casual potluck style dinner, booking a private room or table at a restaurant, or even hiring a private chef at your AirBnB. Ask yourselves what type of reception you want to have and whether you’d like your reception space to be decorated so that you can make the necessary arrangements for it.

Step 4: Put it all together

Now that you’ve identified the pieces of the puzzle, let’s put it all together! This involves creating a timeline for your day, just like you would for a traditional wedding day. The important thing to keep in mind for an elopement timeline is leaving room for spontaneity and buffer time. One of the biggest pro’s surrounding elopements is that they take the stress and the “production vibe” out of a traditional wedding, so let’s not lose sight of that! Leaving room in your timeline for delays or spontaneous adventures will go a long way in helping create a fun and relaxing day without feeling like you’re being rushed from one thing to another. It helps you slow down, take a breath, and really connect and BE with each other — after all, isn’t that the whole point?

If you need timeline ideas, check out this post to get started!

As a photographer, one of my biggest considerations is light. I can help you with putting together a timeline that takes the lighting conditions of your location into consideration and can advise on the best times to have your ceremony and couple portraits. I can also advise on how much time is needed for each portion of your day to ensure that you aren’t rushed, but that also ensures you make the most of your day.

Step 5: Show up, be present, and have a freakin’ blast!

(Does this need more explanation? :P)

If you’re looking for a checklist on what to pack for your elopement, make sure to check out this blog post!

If you are having guests, be sure to set expectations with them beforehand. Do they need to hike in to your ceremony spot? Are they aware of LNT? What sort of transportation do they need to have, if any? Will they be included in your entire day, or just a portion of it? What do they need to bring, or NOT bring (e.g. pets, if your location isn’t pet-friendly)? Setting expectations with guests beforehand will ensure a pleasant experience for everyone present!

FAQ

Q: Can I invite friends & family to my elopement?

A: YES. If it is important to you that your closest friends and family are there to celebrate with you too, then yes — absolutely invite them! An elopement doesn’t mean it has to involve just the two of you, nor is there a “guest limit” for what constitutes an elopement. That said, however, your elopement should be about you and allowing yourselves time and space to do whatever YOU want, so the more people you have to host/entertain, the more it might impact your experience of your day. A couple options when it comes to your elopement guest list are:

  • Just the two of you

  • Just the two of you + Officiant + Witness(es) - whatever is required in your state/country for a legal marriage

  • You two + Closest Family & Friends

Bottomline — Your day, your rules. My only note is that if you are inviting people to your elopement, it is important that they are 100% supportive of you, your marriage, and HOW you want to get married.

Q: What is involved in picking a location? How do we choose one?

A: The great thing about elopements is that you can literally go anywhere you want to! Have a place that’s sentimental to you? You could elope there! Is there a place you’ve been dying to visit? Let’s look into it! I’ll help you with location scouting and will send you a list of locations I have curated through all my travels. The main things to consider when picking a location are:

  • Scenery

  • Seasons/weather

  • Privacy

  • Accessibility

  • Available activities

Or if you want to elope at a cute AirBnB, I’ve got lists for that too!

Q: What are permits and why are they needed?

A: Depending on where you want to go, a permit to hold your elopement ceremony or have photos taken may be required. This is to ensure that the location, especially if it’s popular or protected land, doesn’t get overrun with too many people trying to get married there. It also specifies what is and isn’t allowed at the location - for example, certain locations do not allow an arch set-up or loud music. Not having a permit for your elopement ceremony could result in your elopement getting shut down, and nobody wants that to happen! Every location is different and have different requirements — As your elopement photographer, I will help you navigate the permit process and make sure that we have everything in place prior to your day. :)

Q: What’s involved in an elopement ceremony?

A: Honestly, whatever you want! It could just be you two exchanging personalized vows, rings, or any other token of your relationship. You could light a unity candle (*make sure to check fire laws & regulations of your location), or invent your own unity ceremony. You could read letters from friends and family who aren’t present, or involve friends & family who ARE present by having them either give speeches, read letters, or including them in your unity ceremony. You could have your first kiss, your first dance, or any other “firsts” to celebrate your new adventure together.

Q: Are elopements legal?

A: This entirely depends on where you live and where you elope. The short answer is YES - there are no rules on where and when you can exchange your vows. However, if you are considering getting legally married on your elopement day itself, then that starts getting a little more complicated. Different states and countries have different rules/requirements on what they consider a legal marriage, so it’s important to do proper research and have your bases covered IF you want to get legally married on your elopement. Many couples choose to deal with the paperwork and legalities on a different day, and plan their elopement day however they envision it without letting the legal stuff get in the way.

If you DO want to legally get married on your elopement day, I’m here to help you navigate the systems of where you’ll be eloping at and figure out what it takes to make your marriage legal.

Q: Can we elope if we’re already technically married?

A: Absolutely! Like I said above, many couples choose to make their marriage legal on a separate day from their elopement itself. You could get legally married before or after your elopement day. If you are legally married before your elopement, then that’s awesome! All that’s left is to celebrate with each other and make this an epic day to remember. This also helps to take away the stress of logistics and legalities surrounding your marriage, and allows you to focus on actually creating an experience with each other.

Q: So just to clarify — we DON’T have to get legally married on our elopement day?

A: Nope! Your elopement day is the day you exchange your vows and commit your lives to each other. It doesn’t have to be legally recognized in the eyes of the law of whatever country or state you’re in - this is between you two and you two alone. So if it gets to be too complicated to get legally married in the place you want to elope in, you can still elope there, and then take care of the legal requirements back home (or wherever is easier).

Aaaand there you have it! I hope this post helps to give you a general idea on how to elope or at least get started on plan your elopement. If you need more assistance, feel free to reach out to me! I have a comprehensive elopement guide that I send out to all my booked couples, and I would love nothing more than to help you plan and create an epic day to celebrate!

General Elopement InfoPam Jeanne PhotographyPinned