Top 10 Myths About Elopements
There has been an increase in the number of people choosing to elope in recent years (keyword being ‘choosing’), but it is undeniable that there are still many misconceptions about what elopements are and what they involve. Here’s busting the top 10 myths surrounding elopements, and if you find that you yourself subscribe to some the beliefs below, then I hope this helps to shift your mindset and perceptions about what elopements are, and that you may start to see the true value in them! Because I truly believe that elopements are incredibly special and absolutely the best way to get married - but only if you allow it to be!
#1 - Elopements are secret, shameful, and usually a last resort
Maybe like a hundred years ago, sure! Yes, elopements used to be something that a couple felt like they had no choice but to do in secret, especially if their marriage was something their families or society didn’t (or wouldn’t) accept. But hey, spoiler alert - times change, definitions of words change, and society evolves and adapts over time. It’s the 21st century, and elopements have taken on a whole new meaning.
Gone are the days where elopements were a shameful or secretive way to get married, or a route that couples feel forced to take. Elopements today are an authentic, unique, and meaningful way of getting married, intentionally chosen by couples who want to prioritize themselves and their relationship on their wedding day, rather than spend their energy on details and traditions that don’t matter to them. Far from being a last-resort option, elopements are now something that many couples freely opt for, especially if the idea of throwing a party for hundreds of guests (essentially what traditional weddings are) doesn’t appeal to them.
Also, PS. Elopements don’t need to be secret (unless you want them to be), and yes, you can announce your elopement the way you would announce a wedding! Depending on your situation, it may in fact be beneficial to let friends and family know beforehand that this is what you’re choosing to do to minimize any potential hurt feelings. A few tips on how to let friends & family know before officially announcing your plans:
Gently drop hints before announcing to start planting the seeds in their minds
Show them photos of other couples eloping and how special an elopement would also be for you
Explain why you’re leaning towards eloping (check out the top 10 reasons to elope here!) - Answering the question of ‘why’ will help people understand where you’re coming from better!
Give them the new definition of eloping in case they still subscribe to the old definition of the word!
#2 - Elopements are quick, rushed ceremonies and nothing else
Many couples think that elopements are just a quick 5-minute ceremony and nothing more, and if you’re one of them, I don’t blame you! Because the wedding industry has also perpetuated and reinforced this idea that elopements are just a watered-down version of a wedding, offering couples an hour or two of photography coverage or other wedding services because of this idea that elopements don’t involve much else.
NOPE. No no no!
Well, they can be, if that’s what you want I guess. But as an elopement photographer who places emphasis on meaningful experiences, I urge you not to devalue your own wedding day by subscribing to this notion. Elopements can absolutely, and SHOULD in fact, involve a whole lot more. The fact is, your elopement is still your wedding day. Just as you wouldn’t think of your traditional wedding as just a ceremony, I’m here begging you not to think of your elopement as just that either. Just because you have fewer guests (or in some cases no guests) doesn’t mean that your wedding day cannot be just as special, if not more! Since when did the number of guests we have at our wedding indicate its value? Does the wedding day of a couple with 100 guests matter less than a couple with 200 guests?
Guess what, having fewer guests means less time playing host, and more time to yourselves! Elopements open up a floodgate of possibilities for how you can now spend your day, and what you want your ceremony to involve. Want to read your vows on the top of a mountain or on the top of cliffs overlooking the ocean? Want to drive up the coast in a vintage convertible with the wind in your hair, or take a hot air balloon at sunrise? Want to invent your own unity ceremony or mesh your two cultural traditions into one? To all of the above - do it! Like I said, the possibilities are endless - so don’t place arbitrary limits on yourself and the day you can have.
#3 - Elopements are last-minute
Heckkkk NO. Or again, yes, they can be. But no they don’t have to be! From dreaming up what your best day will involve, to booking travel and accommodations (and sometimes activities), to hiring vendors, and securing permits and licenses, many elopements take months of planning and are often not a last-minute thing. That said, they can still be last-minute in some situations, and oftentimes, spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment elopements are just as fun and special! If you’re wanting an elopement at the last minute, don’t hesitate to reach out! I’d be more than happy to pass along vendor recommendations and offer any planning help you need to help you still have an incredibly special day!
#4 - Elopements are minimal and don’t require much planning
Kinda piggybacking off that last point, elopements can and often do require a ton of planning. However again, because elopements are really up to you to design, it can be as simple and low-key as you want it to be, or it can involve a whole lot more. Deciding on where and when you want to elope is just the tip of the iceberg. Is the place you’re eloping at more remote or will it be easily accessible? Does it require hiking or special vehicles to get to? What will the season or temperature be like during that time, at that place? What sort of gear, if any, would you need? Are you having any guests? Where will they be staying? What will the parking or traveling situation be like? What activities would be involved? Do you need to book these activities in advance? All of these questions and more will involve a certain degree of planning to ensure that you have a comfortable and fun day! That said, being open to spontaneity and change is also incredibly important - when you’re down to roll with the punches and your focus remains on each other and the experience of your day, I guarantee that you will have an incredible day, no matter what happens!
#5 - Elopements are cheap or for those on a tight budget
Well yes… and no. You could also say the same for budget weddings too! Elopements may not involve the same or similar costs of a traditional wedding, but they are not necessarily cheaper or a more “budget” way of getting married. Elopements do offer you an opportunity to save on costs such as a venue and catering for 100+ guests, which means you can put that money towards a one-of-a-kind experience instead.
Think about your dream day for a second - what does it involve? Do you want to take a helicopter to the Grand Canyon, or visit the glaciers in New Zealand? Do you want to rent an exotic AirBnB on the cliffs of Big Sur, or a treehouse in the mountains of Washington? Yes, elopements can be cheaper and don’t necessarily have to involve expensive or luxurious experiences like the examples listed above, however, you can also go big on your elopement if you want to! Point being, don’t let this notion of elopements being a “budget wedding” deter you from choosing a day of intention and experience.
#6 - Elopements only involve the couple and no one else
If you’re thinking of inviting guests to your elopement, but aren’t sure if it would still be an elopement if there’s anyone else there, I hope this helps to clear up the confusion! Yes, you can absolutely have guests at your elopement, and it doesn’t have to only involve the two of you!
Keep in mind, however, that the more guests you have, the more you might have to accommodate their needs, and the more your elopement might start to look like a traditional wedding. Generally, the more intimate and small your guest list is, the more time you’ll have for yourselves and other activities.
But the bottomline is, yes, you can have guests… or no guests! It’s truly how you envision your day to go down! Want to involve your best friend(s), parents, and dog? Do it! Want to elope with kids? Go for it! Want to keep the day to just the two of you and celebrate with friends and family later? Heck yesss! It’s your day, so do it your way. Need ideas on how to involve guests on your elopement day, but also have time to yourselves? I got them so just ask!
#7 - Elopements are selfish
Hoooold up. Before we get into this, let’s ask ourselves, who are weddings for, and who/what are they celebrating? While this definitely varies across cultures (ask a traditional Asian family - they’ll likely say that weddings are about the union of two families, not two people — P.S. I can only speak to Asian families since I’m Asian myself), I think we can agree that a wedding would not be happening without the two of you and the relationship you’ve built. So - may my Asian ancestors forgive me but - I’d argue that your wedding day should be about YOU and celebrating this relationship YOU have built and nurtured. There is nothing selfish about wanting to celebrate your union in an authentic and intentional way that’s true to who the both of you are. (On the contrary, it is selfish for others to expect you to plan YOUR day around them!)
The biggest question you’d need to ask yourself is — how do YOU want to celebrate your union? If you want to involve your friends and family and third cousins (who are, of course, still family) on your wedding day, then by all means, go for it! But if you decide that you’d like to celebrate your marriage with just the two of you and maybe a couple of close loved ones, then you should have every right to do so as well. You have a once-in-a-lifetime day to celebrate however you feel comfortable, so don’t let others tell you what to do.
#8 - Elopements aren’t special or romantic
Okaaaay, HUGE misconception here so let’s break it down! Elopements ARE incredibly special and romantic, and I’d argue that they’re even more so than traditional weddings! Because elopements involve a very intimate setting - whether it involves just the two of you or a few of your closest friends and family, it gives you so much more time and space to truly connect with everyone present. Think about your most romantic date so far — does it involve a hundred other people, or just the two of you (and maybe a couple of close friends)? Imagine having your first dance under the stars, with ocean waves crashing against the cliffs below you; or saying your vows on a mountain peak, as the sun rises and lights up everything around you — how special would that be and what a story you’ll have to tell!
#9 - Elopements are for people who don’t value their wedding day
Let’s turn that statement on its head, shall we? Elopements are ABSOLUTELY for people who value their wedding day, and in fact, value them more! Elopements offer couples a day of authentic and true connection, without the distractions of, for example, the color of their plates or the way tables are arranged. Elopements are about intention, where you get to celebrate your wedding day in a way that’s 100% true to YOU, exactly how YOU want your special day to go down. Elopements allow you to have a day that 100% revolves around YOU, allowing you to truly be with each other without having to play host to a hundred guests.
#10 - Elopements are “less than” traditional weddings and therefore aren’t as “real”
Okay, so if you’ve read everything I’ve said so far, then you might know what I’m about to say.
NO. Elopements are absolutely NOT “less than” traditional weddings, and you shouldn’t ever have to feel like you’re settling for less by choosing to elope. In case it isn’t already clear — and I’d shout this from rooftops — elopements offer you SO MUCH MORE.
Let’s back up to Myth #2, shall we? The value (or “realness”) of your wedding day is not and should not be defined by the number of people present. Your wedding day should celebrate YOU, your relationship, and your love for each other, and the “realness” of the day is up to you to define.
Many couples have said to me that their traditional wedding feels like an “event” they’re putting on, and there is often a performance aspect to them. The fact that you just got married sometimes doesn’t even sink in until after the day is over and you are both finally alone. Elopements take out the “performance” of a traditional wedding, but instead add experience. Elopements give you more time for yourselves, more opportunities for authentic connection, more experiences, and more intentionality. They are unique, special, and in many ways, can feel more “real” than a traditional wedding.
So if you are considering eloping but are hesitating because of one of the above reasons, I hope that this helps to shift your perspective on elopements and what they can offer! Or if you still aren’t sure if an elopement is right for you, let’s talk about it! Just as traditional weddings aren’t for everyone, elopements aren’t a one-size-fits-all solution either, and I’d love to help you figure out what is best for you!
In the meantime, let yourself dream up your perfect day, and PS — I’d LOVE more than anything to help you bring it to life! ;)