What Is An Elopement?

Elopements are quickly gaining popularity, especially since 2020 shut down the traditional wedding industry, leading to couples finding innovative and safe ways to get married with a small group of people, or even just themselves.

While elopements used to be frowned upon back in the day because they were usually a secretive, sometimes shameful method of getting married that people turned to as a last resort, it is no longer so! (Wanna bust the top 10 myths about elopements? Read this!) Elopements today have taken on a whole new meaning, and it is now a much more special and powerful way of getting married that couples opt for when they feel like a large traditional wedding isn’t “them”.

So what are elopements, exactly?

An elopement is your wedding day that truly revolves around the both of you. We often say that your wedding day should be about you, but once you add in a ton of guests, start discussing how your table numbers should look like, and whether Aunt Margaret has food options in the caterer’s menu, that starts taking the focus off of YOU, and shifts towards the event instead.

An elopement allows you the opportunity to make your day your own, from the minute you wake up to when you go to bed. You have every opportunity to dream up a day that speaks to you, plan activities that you enjoy or want to experience together (think: a helicopter to the top of a mountain, or hiking to a waterfall?), and truly be with each other.

Elopements are intimate, intentional, extremely personal, and therefore powerful. They are much more stress-free than a traditional wedding day since there are less moving parts involved — this means you can actually focus on connecting with each other and experiencing your day together, and worry less about the logistics of running an event.

Traditional weddings tend to have a performance, event-like aspect to them. Many couples have also told me that it often feels like they are putting on a “show” for their guests' entertainment and enjoyment. Elopements, on the other hand, are experience-based, prioritizing your experience over anything else. They encourage you to dream big and ask yourselves, how exactly do YOU want to experience your day? What do you want to see? Or smell, or taste, or touch, or feel? Elopements open up a world of opportunities and possibilities for you to design your day in a way that’s completely unique to you.

Here’s drawing from my own personal experience…

When I got married, I barely knew anything about elopements. In fact, I probably knew nothing about them at all. My husband and I wanted to get married very quickly after we got engaged for multiple personal reasons, and the only way we knew how was to go to a courthouse and sign some papers. The day started off with us waking up at the crack of dawn, because our appointment was at 8am at the Beverly Hills courthouse. The ceremony was over in 10 minutes, and we went to grab lunch at a hotel nearby. The rest of the day was spent hanging out with our closest family who came to be with us, and then going for a nice dinner in the city. While it wasn’t as romantic as saying our vows at a beautiful scenic overlook, it was certainly stress-free, and even fun. I had no idea that this courthouse ceremony could be considered an elopement, and how we had so many other options for getting married that day.

I then spent the next 8 months trying to plan a 200-person destination wedding in Singapore (where I’m from) that I thought I wanted, because it was what I saw everyone else doing, and what I was already familiar with. It became apparent very quickly, however, that this wedding wasn’t for me, so much as it was for our families. (Or my family, if I’m being honest.) I was trying to plan an event that was stressing me out, more so than it was making me excited. From the tiniest details like what color our table cloths should be, to figuring out reporting times for all our vendors, making sure everyone involved (i.e. vendors and family members and wedding party) knew where to go at what time, making sure we accounted for all the “props” such as a welcome sign that I never got to see again etc - it was frankly tearing me down. In the week leading up to the wedding, my stress level was at an all-time high. I was losing sleep because I was so afraid that there was something I forgot to do. In the midst of all the planning, I lost sight as to what this wedding was for. With our minute-to-minute timeline, the whole thing felt almost military-like. My fiancé, now husband, is also someone who doesn’t feel comfortable in large crowds, so putting him through that mustn’t have been fun, but he was such a team player anyway!

The day itself ran smoothly, and I must give all the credit to all our vendors, family and wedding party who put in so much to help make sure the day went well. Regardless though, I can’t deny that it felt like I was putting on a show and organizing an event for 200 guests, as opposed to really connecting and being with my husband on our wedding day. The only time we really truly had to ourselves was the 2 minutes standing behind the closed doors as we prepared for our grand entrance to our reception.

I came away from both experiences feeling completely opposite from what I had anticipated. Had I known what I know now about elopements, there is no question what I would have done.

I must stress though, that this isn’t to say that traditional weddings are awful - not at all! There are definitely people who would prefer traditional weddings, and who wouldn’t enjoy intimate elopements as much. And if this is you, don’t let my experience deter you from having one!

My point being - figure out what would make you and your partner most happy. Do you feel more at ease and comfortable in an intimate setting, or do you enjoy big parties and crowds? There is no right or wrong answer to what makes your heart happy. And if you realize that elopements are something you’d enjoy more, I hope that this helps you understand what they really are and how much value they can hold.

And if you’re still not sure, please don’t hesitate to reach out!! I’d love to chat with you and see what might be best for you, because everyone deserves to have an unforgettable day they’ll truly enjoy <3